FUNGLISH
Welcome to a world of Funglish – abbreviated version
of ‘fun filled English’! There is a tendency to speak English the way you would
your mother tongue. I am always overawed by my friend’s extra-ordinary ability
to speak ‘funglish’ fluently. So fluent that a formula – 1 commentator would
look pedestrian in comparison! You will have to be all ‘focus’ when he is in full flow – which he invariably is –
lest you miss those pearls of words. ‘He wenta’? ‘Already lefta’ are just a few
of those. He does it in such matter-of-factly fashion that it would paralyze the senses of a
grammar-sensitive guy. Wren & Martin
would run and run and run in sheer frustration.
And there are some whose pronunciation is grating and
breathtakingly high on ‘IQ’ – irritation quotient! ‘Earth’ becomes ‘yarth’.
‘Steady’ becomes ‘steedy’. ‘Niche’ is twisted as ‘neekhe’ or ‘nike’ or simply
‘nik’. Or even ‘nish’!!
And you will for ever find people conversing in – what
else – ‘funglish’ that will make you laugh for ever. ‘Whatwhatwhat’…
‘Comecomecome, we are late’. ‘Nonononono’. Obviously, there is a feeling that
unless a word is repeated the sense of urgency is not felt!
And if you are getting bored, then all you need to do
is just watch and overhear a telephonic conversation – watch to catch the
expression and overhear for the pearls of words. ‘Haallo’ – eyes squeezed and
forehead creased (resembling a wrinkled lump of clothes just removed from
washing machine needing pressing) – and seconds later you can see the sudden
relaxing of eye muscles as he is able to place the caller and suddenly you find
his open jaws displaying filled and unfilled, colored and coated denture
letting out a gush of (gutkha?) breath that will make the person sitting in
front feel that he is in front of a fan!! Now you are in for an endless chat as
he settles himself nicely in his chair, removing the glasses – you don’t need
glasses when speaking, surely – and holding it in front of his eyes checking
for spots that blur the vision even as he is speaking. ‘..i have told
himmu…’...suddenly switches to his mother-tongue involuntarily and then
realizing that he is sounding Greek to the caller switches back to – what else
– ‘funglish’! ‘….naaat like thattu, you shoulddu guidu ….’ Let me be the
interpreter – he meant ‘not like that, you should guide..’!! Now back to the
conversation. ‘…huhuhu – piggy mouthed – and then a serious expression that
lasts only a few seconds and then a ear-piercing screeching sound indicating a
very hilarious exchange of – what else – ‘pearls of words’. All this time his
body is revolving in an arc-like pre-set position in his revolving chair that
is as old as the occupant and creaking as it journeyed from left to right
adding to the sound pollution. All this time ‘pearls-of-words’ continue to flow
‘…you didn’t goa’ (you didn’t go), ….what you dooooo annn– a ‘raga’ that would
either baffle or delight the music composers – and suddenly remembers an
alternative expression. ‘you search…’. The caller must have interrupted and in
response, ‘already searchda, not founda, ayyayyo, checheche, (don’t need me –
the interpreter, any more!) his bodyweight falling forward simultaneously
transferring the receiver to the other ear, the conversation continues. ‘what,
promotion processa, startedda, whennu….what study nowwu, studygidy only for you
peopallu…’ Suddenly you see him kicking the chair back and seeming to end the
conversation hurriedly as he is summoned by his boss. Even as he is readying
himself to disconnect, blurts out ..okok, boss callingu, I am keepinga…all the
bestu for the promotion testu’!! I thoroughly enjoyed the ‘funglish’. Did you?
Or more appropriately, ‘enjoyda’?
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